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"Love is the distance between reality and pain"

My life as a crocus

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Saffron crocus
My Artwork



August 12th, 2009

Saffron the demon child

Saffron crocus
I also was going to post to my local AP group about my extreme frustration with the behavior of MY 3yo but see that our troubles are universal. We seemed to be in harmony for so long but this has slowly been eroding. I worried "is it school?" (she attends 3 hours 4 mornings a week) "have I somehow sabotaged our attachment?" "Is she sociopathic?"(I know this is going out on a limb, but I'm a little paranoid) but it appears that all kids, even attached kids, go through this phase. I so love my little monkey and want to be the best mom possible, but lately I've had to carry her screaming home from the park among other things I'd always hoped to avoid. She completely disregards any notion of the fact that I may possess some authority at least 75% of the time. Now, I'll admit that Kneil and I don't have much, if any, respect for authority, but is that genetic? Could she already have picked it up through osmosis? I've been assured this phase will pass. I will just have to wait, and perhaps learn to pray.

June 17th, 2009

Saffi's gone to school

I just dropped Saffi off for her first full day of school from 8:45-2:45. It's a special day so she was invited to attend the morning as well as the afternoon. She really wanted to go....she says she wants to go all day all the time, but I don't really feel ready to let her go that much, emotionally or financially, until the fall. At least that is our plan. I'm sure she'll be fine today but I am a little nervous. She hasn't been sleeping enough lately due to the light among other things so she won't be as steady as she usually is.

May 9th, 2009

Saffron on religion

Saffron crocus
We were sitting around eating lunch the other day (my mom, Saffi, me and Hillary, the Sri Lankan handy-man) when Saffi suddenly says. "some people want you to go to church". It seemed quite out of the blue but when I think back on it my mom had said earlier about asking the gods for something. (My mom's not a polytheist, or any kind of theist, really. She was just being funny.) We asked Saffi who these people were and she say "Mormons!". That was really funny. I know we'd talked a bit about the Mormons in the past because they come to the door but it has been a long time, especially for a not-yet-three-and-a-half year-old. She's really quite amazing.

April 27th, 2009

When we will lose somebody dear....

We're leaving early tomorrow morning to hopefully spend some time with Saffi's paternal Great-grandma before she succumbs to recently-discovered lung cancer. She is almost 94 and declining treatment. If she just holds out for another three weeks she could die exactly one year after my stepfather. Seems kinda ironic for me. I just hope she makes it long enough to meet Saffi and that things aren't too crazy tense with the strained relationships between Kneil, Mojrim & X-ray.

We'll be back Friday, in case anyone is wondering.

April 20th, 2009

Yay! I have a garden

Saffron crocus
Damn, It's a lot of work. I've got many tendons complaining; hopefully they will get used to it and I won't need a ton of massage to fix them. I'm trying to pace myself but it is very difficult when there is so much dirt, gravel, bark and plants to move. I don't even get that much time to work on it, dammit. My right extensor digitorum hurts just typing.

March 7th, 2009

Last Saturday, February 28th, Saffron painted her first representational artwork. She painted a picture of a tree, a brown trunk with green at the top. She did this without prompting at the Children's Museum and told us what she was making. I don't know what triggered this jump from just playing with colors - I suppose it could have been something she'd been doing at the Harvard Avenue School though she didn't bring anything home that looked like she'd tried to depict any object.

I tried to pick up the tree today but couldn't find it :(

March 5th, 2009

My little songwriter

Saffron crocus
Saffi is in the kitchen singing, "Everything that's made of meat, I'll eat!"

February 28th, 2009

Writer's Block: Priorities

p diddy bjork
What quality do you think is most important in a significant other?

Shared values

February 27th, 2009

Soy cheese is evil

Home Kneil
I have to make sure I remember this fact and be REALLY careful when shopping. I accidentally bought vegan raviolis and we've been suffering intestinal disturbance ever since. I even feel sorry for Saffi the fart machine after she woke up at 3:30am and didn't go back to sleep until 2:30pm. SHe actually seems to be getting ready for bed again now, which is fabulous, but I am not holding my breath that she actually goes to sleep anytime soon after the nap which ended at 5.
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February 22nd, 2009

Birth control

Saffron crocus
We've been watching Battlestar Galactica recently. Not sure if I should be embarrassed by this but there you are. I realized that if we did have another child and it were a boy, it could very well turn out like Gaius which is a good reason not to have one. Not like there aren't many more, but the poor kid would be brilliant, horny, hairy and have all sorts of emotional issues (one focused large blond women due to the fact that his sister was taller) because his parents didn't get along due to stress and I couldn't pay enough attention to him because I would have lost my mind due to sleep deprivation. I don't really need to think about it though, because we are not going to go through the last four years again...no, no, no!

On a more positive note, we are not obviously sick(Saffi could be mildly so but it's really hard to be sure) and she's not worn a diaper while awake for over a week! If she can become potty-trained, she will eventually wean, right? I'm actually starting to get a little tired of nursing. Now that she is in school for almost 20 hours a week and I am getting more time to myself I am finding very addictive. Of course I love her more than anything and she is the best thing to ever happen to me but gosh, there's a lot to be said for personal space and freedom. At least I can honestly say she is very much enjoying her autonomy and intellectual/social stimulation she is finding at school. She's only been attending the Harvard Ave School for one week, and it was a grueling one since we don't seem to want to give up either of the others yet, but it all seems to be working out well. I'll know for sure after we return tomorrow. We just finished mid-winter break. And boy, was it a tough week, though I think it would have been ok did she not wake up at 4 at least two nights.

Kneil just dropped off mojrim and is on his way back. Usually we'd be vegetating in front of a DVD right now.
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